i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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