i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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