the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
