it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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