You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
