Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i think my cat just said my name.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
