Michael Bay diarrhea
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
