i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
