wanna go halves on a baby?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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