We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wear drunk well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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