Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
