i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
