I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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