It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
