I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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