smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.