Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I looked at my own cervix.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
