are you still at the devil's house?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny