Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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