If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis