My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself