I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
