another moral hangover. fuck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
