Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
