So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
