It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
