been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
