I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
