Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
