If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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