i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
