Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize