We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
