So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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