apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she told me i tasted like america
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
