Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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