I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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