He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
