five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
