what day is it and did you see me today?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
