we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
