why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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