we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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