The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
