so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
