Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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