It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
