I just cut my nipple shaving
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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