What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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