please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
