no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
