i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
