Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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