I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
