Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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