Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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