My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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