I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
