When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are the jesus of drinking
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize