I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
