what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
