K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.