we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver