Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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