Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.