i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize