Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
