Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
