chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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