it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
