she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
3pm strippers are depressing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pants are for mortals
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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