I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
