i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
