soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
