my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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