Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
