I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
